My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
