I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
