he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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