I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
