guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
