just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
