woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
