LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
