I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
