i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
