Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
