he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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