HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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