what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
