i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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