me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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