How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
