I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
