you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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