so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
