If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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