saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I puked a lego.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
