I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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