Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
