you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
