is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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