I just threw up on my dentist
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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