Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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