I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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