All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
