you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
