I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
