it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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