she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
