I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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