I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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