1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
