Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
