When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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