My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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