what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
