ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
