She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
