My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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