Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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