I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
two words...techno handjob
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
