Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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