I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
