you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
