the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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