accomplished twins. life is a go
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
