At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
