1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
